


No Change for a Twenty

by thelogicalbacon



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Eren disappoints us all, Erwin tries to be smooth, F/F, F/M, Guilt, Hanji ships it, M/M, Nanaba is a winner, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Petra has a beautiful sense of humor, eren is a dork, nice try Erwin, whoot smut finally
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-17
Updated: 2014-11-27
Packaged: 2018-02-21 11:44:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2467067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelogicalbacon/pseuds/thelogicalbacon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren Jaeger, a brand new teacher at a high school, goes on a walk to the student-run cafe to buy a scone but doesn't have any small bills to pay for it. Erwin Smith offers to pay, which leads to a conversation, which evolves into something more, all with Hanji cheering from the sidelines, new friendships with other teachers, and a crash course in teaching some of the scariest people alive - angsty teens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chocolate Chip Scone

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is my first fic for this ship, so I'm still trying to work out exactly how their dynamic would work. Please forgive a little bit of OOC in the beginning so I can get the story rolling, especially for Erwin because I have such little experience with his character.  
> Anyway, please enjoy this and let me know what you think!

The day was crisp and new as the sun shone down brightly upon the dewey world. The day was peaceful as I drove to work, calm and content. It would be my first year teaching, and, despite the multitude of horror stories I’d heard over the years of studying and the difficulties I’d encountered while student-teaching, I was pretty excited. My house was only about half an hour away driving, in a town neighboring the one the school was in. Parking my car in a faculty spot, I collected my messenger bag from the passenger’s seat and approached the imposing building. I’d already had about a week and a half of school in the form of meetings before the students’ first day, so I already knew my way around to a healthy extent. In spite of not knowing many of my colleagues outside my own department, I was determined to meet as many of them as possible and make some friends.

As soon as I entered the school though, I felt the judgemental stares from students who’d arrived very early and began to question myself profusely. Was my choice of a light blue button-up and grey sweater vest somehow against an obscure rule no one had told me about? No. That couldn’t possibly be it...

Before I knew it, I’d arrived at my office and sat down, relishing the haven that the office chair with mediocre support gave me, protecting me from my worry for a bit. In the science department offices, I shared a long room with another teacher by the name of Zoe, though she told me that everyone called her Hanji and that it would take her less time to figure out that she was being called if I used that name. As if summoned by my thoughts of her, Hanji burst through my door and so my peaceful solitude ended, though the eccentric woman was not bad company either.

“Morning, Eren!” she sang.

“Good morning,” I returned, silently wondering how she was even allowed to teach biology as well as be the department head.

“Are you nervous for your first day?”

“Not so much if I don’t look at them.”

“They’re not that bad! Tell you what, after school I’ll take you out to drinks with some more of our colleagues and you can vent all about it, okay?” she suggested, though her eyes held a devious glint.

“Alright,” I replied, though confusion filled me as she haphazardly gathered several stacks of papers and I continued, “where are you going?”

“Well, I have a first period class and I forgot about it until just now,” she answered as she continued to struggle with her materials.

“Here, let me help you.”

“ _Thank God_ for you, Eren Jaeger.”

As I calmly gathered her stacks and books, I wondered why she was how she was, and I came to the conclusion that people are lumps of clay. While they have some tendencies to come out a certain way, they are are also quite easily shaped and molded, although less so as time goes on.

Hanji and I entered the classroom to what seemed like thousands and thousands of eyes burning into us, angry at the interruption to their morning chatting. After I set down the papers on her desk and the brown-haired woman kissed my cheek affectionately, I turned tail and left, on my way back to the department lounge and offices. However, I realized that I had an entire free period and sitting in the mostly empty space twiddling my thumbs would do little to help me calm down, so I decided to head down to the school cafe where students taking a culinary arts class prepared various sweets and pastries to sell. When I got there, I stood in line behind a few students who I assumed had free periods too and then a very tall man with very neat blond hair stood in line behind me. When it was finally my turn, I told the mousey girl at the register that I’d like a chocolate chip scone and she told me that it would be $1.75, but when I checked in my wallet, I only had a twenty. I asked if she had change for one, and she shook her head with regret and I was unsure about how to end the awkwardness before the man behind me interjected with a deep voice.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll get it.” The only response I could muster was a weak sigh of appreciation as he asked for an oatmeal cookie and paid for both my order and his. The shy girl handed us our treats and we got out of the way of other people in line. After a beat or two, I looked up at the the blond man and saw that he was smiling down at me politely.

“I’ll pay you back,” I blurted without preamble.

“Don’t worry about it,” he repeated, “it was only two bucks. I can handle that.”

“Still,” I insisted, met with a low chuckle.

“Alright. Wanna take a walk with me? I’m ninety-nine percent sure you’re new this year and I remember how daunting that was for me.”

“Sure. Thanks.”

We started walking, and I took a bite of my scone, and it was pretty awkward because no one was saying anything. After a loud gulp, I spoke.  
“I don’t think I caught your name.”

“Oh! Silly me. I’m Erwin Smith. I teach American history and am the history department head. What about you?”

“I’m Eren Jaeger. I, uh, I’m gonna start teaching astronomy in about half an hour.” Another hearty laugh.

“I see. What scares you the most?”

“I guess just all those blank stares. It’s so pressuring and scary!” I admitting, finding it increasingly easy to spill everything to this man I’d only just met and fighting the urge to talk endlessly. I made a mental note that Erwin Smith was a dangerously charming fellow.

“Ah. Well you’ll get used to that. If you’re lucky, you’ll find those few students who care, and they won’t come down so hard on you. Just don’t let them know you’re scared of them, or else they’ll break you. And resist the urge to grade too easy or too harshly.”

“I guess I’ll have to resist a lot of urges then,” I replied, before I realized what I’d said and my cheeks heated up. “I didn’t say that right!”

“That’s alright. I understood what you meant.”

The conversation continued in that way until I checked my watch and figured that I had ten minutes to get from the athletic wing to my office on the other end of the school and a few floors up and to my classroom.

“I’m sad to have to cut this conversation short, but I’ll have to go now to get to my class on time.”

“Me too. Let’s talk again soon?”

“Sure.”

“See you around,” Erwin called over his shoulder, and I got the impression that teaching in high school wouldn’t end up being so different from being a student in high school. Sighing deeply, I jogged off to my office, collected my materials, and headed off to my classroom, which was empty because it hadn’t had a class in it during period A. I quickly checked the schedule posted near the door to find that someone with the the last name of Arlert would also use the same room during periods E and F, leaving it vacant during periods A, C, and G. Useful information to be sure, but I didn’t have time to think about it before the first few eager students trickled in, slowly gathering in number. I stood behind the podium on wheels (every classroom had an identical one) and waited until the reading on the clock matched the time class was to start. I raised my voice slightly to get their attention by saying “class is starting!” and the chatter died down significantly.

“Hello! My name is Mr. Jaeger,” I paused to write it down on the board, “and I am very excited to be teaching you all about astronomy. Please don’t get this confused with astrology, because we will not be having analytical discussions of your best matches by star sign,” a small, polite laugh. The class seemed to be fairly calm and organized. Since they were juniors, the majority of them were past their first day jitters and just sat down quietly without making too much of a fuss.

“As for my policies, you’ll find a more detailed description on the sheet I handed out, but I expect you to be on time, though if you’re late occasionally it won’t be a problem, and I expect your homework to be done when you walk in and placed in the tray by the door, but I’m very flexible if you want to consult with me about a concept you don’t understand.” I paused, checking the temperature of the room. No one was groaning or crying yet, so he figured it was safe to move on. “You guys can eat or drink or chew gum, but if I find crumbs or spills or gum stuck under the tables or seats, I will change that policy. Reasonable?” I asked, sounding oddly stern. Everyone nodded and some students muttered a soft “yeah”. “Alright. Cool. Now that that’s done, let’s play a game?”

“What kind of game?” a bold girl called out.

“The kind from _Saw_ ,” I joked with a grin before continuing. “Just kidding. I want to play a name game because I’ve gotta memorize a lotta names and I figure doing the whole nametags thing is lamer.” A few actual laughs.

“I’ll take that as my cue to explain the game then,” I continued.

* * *

 

Class went fairly smoothly and I was done for the day before I knew it. Instead of going home, though, I decided to stay at my desk and take a little nap. I woke up about half an hour before period E ended, so I took my opportunity to work out some class plans for the rest of the week. After I finished with that, there were a few minutes left in the day, so I played around on my phone until I heard the rush of students in the hallways. Standing up the stretch luxuriously, I yawned and twiddled my thumbs, awaiting Hanji’s arrival.

When she did burst through the door, I smiled at her big bear hug in greeting. It struck me how quickly she’d accepted me as a friend, but I was glad of it nevertheless.

“How was your day, sunshine?” she asked pleasantly as she set down a mess of papers on her already cluttered desk.

“Better than I thought. Remembering all those names if gonna be super tough, though.”

“Oh my GOD, I know! And some of those poor dears have IMPOSSIBLE names!”

“Exactly!” I exclaimed, excited that she could relate. “And I have way too many Kyle’s!”

“Oh yeah. That’s the WORST. Especially in the same class!”

The conversation continued as we gathered our things and walked out of school together. When we reached the parking lot, Hanji stopped me.

“Phone number.”

“What?”

“Gimme your phone number. I’ll need to text you where we’re gonna meet up.”

“Oh right. Duh. Sorry.”

“No sweat.”

After I gave her my phone number, she smiled a devious grin before turning abruptly, undoing a bike chain, and mounting a bicycle to ride off into the throng of people. It always stuck me also how abrupt she could be, but I figured it was the best she could do to stop herself from saying things she wanted to keep hidden for a time. Shaking my head with a light laugh, I got into my yellow Beetle and drove off in the direction of my rental. It was liveable for me and perhaps one other person in close quarters, but I lived alone because the rent was reasonable enough for me to pay solitarily because my father paid for my college education. He wasn’t necessarily a horrible parent, though a mostly absent one, so I figured he tried to make it up to me by making my life easier on the expenses front. It was difficult as a child, but as an adult I wouldn’t complain about the extra support here or there when requested.

* * *

 

At around five, Hanji texted me saying that they’d be meeting at Maria’s, a nearby and fairly well-known pub at six-thirty. I shrugged and figured I’d just wear my same outfit, so I just ran a hand through my hair in an attempt to make it presentable and waited.

When I arrived at Maria’s, Hanji and a few others were already clustered around a billiard’s table with beers in hand. I approached and was met with a hug from Hanji and polite smiles from the others with her. Among them were a short woman with a kind expression and ginger hair cut into a practical bob wearing a tank top, jeans, and flip-flops, a very, very tall blond man with a large nose and small eyes and stubble noticeably growing out, and Erwin.

“This is Petra,” Hanji stated, motioning to the diminutive woman, “and this is Mike,” she smiled up at the giant man, and she was just ready to introduce Erwin before I interrupted.

“And this is Erwin. We met earlier,” I explained. An expression I couldn’t place flashed across her face before her regular, slightly crazed look returned.

“Great! Wanna beer, sunshine?” she responded with a singsong tone laced in her voice.

“Sure, thanks.”

After a while of talking and sipping on drinks, a short man with black hair and grey eyes, a cute girl with blonde hair tied in a low, loose ponytail and a tall girl with freckles holding her waist, and a short man with long, blond hair tied in a smart ponytail and wire-rimmed glasses entered.

“Levi! Christa! Ymir! Armin! So good to see all of you. This is Eren, and he’s new this year,” Hanji exclaimed again, dominating the conversation. Levi, the dark-haired man, regarded me coolly and gave me a curt nod, while Christa flashed me a genuine smile and gave me a warm welcome. Ymir muttered “yeah” halfheartedly, and Armin shook my hand interestedly.

“You wouldn’t happen to have the last name Jaeger, would you?” he asked politely.

“I would. Why?”  
“Oh! So you’re the other guy who uses that room…”

“Are you Arlert?”

“Yes. Nice to meet you!” Armin smiled.

“Same here.”

* * *

 

Most of the conversations the others had were hard for me to follow though I did laugh along when I could. Eventually, though, I excused myself to get another drink and lingered at the bar. Apparently, though, Erwin noticed that I stayed despite having been served already and came up behind me, making me jump slightly, though I was quite relieved to see him.

“Conversation moving too fast?” he asked nonchalantly.

“A little. I just don’t know the majority of what you’re talking about.”

“That’s alright. Mind if I stay here and chat with you? Sometimes they’re a little tiresome.”

“Not at all.”

I took a swig of my drink and he took a sip from his, and the liquid courage worked its magic within me and I spoke.

“So, where are you from?”

“I’m originally from Germany, but I only lived there a few years before my family moved here and I moved around a lot because my dad was military, and now I’m here. Now it’s my turn to ask a question. What got you into teaching?”

“Well, my mom died when I was eleven, and my dad was always working, so I looked at school as an escape, especially during high school when I had a lot of inner turmoil and self-discovery going on, so I always really appreciated teachers who were accepting of me and pushed me to succeed when I needed it.” Erwin nodded politely at my explanation. “Favorite color?”

“Blue,” he chuckled. “Favorite day of the week?”

“Saturday. Cats or dogs?”

“Depends on the individual animal. First kiss?”

“Oh, that’s a story!” I giggled at the memory. “It was with Jennifer Atkinson in fifth grade and she said she liked me and then kissed me on the lips for less than a second and then ran away. The first real kiss I ever had was with Sam Weber. It was really awkward but I thought I was such a champ until I realized how to do it the right way,”

“I see. Was she any good either?”

“Oh, Sam? Yeah, I guess he was. It was pretty short-lived, though.”

“Are you, uh...you know?”

“Yeah, uh...does it bother you?” A loud, genuine laugh.

“No, no. Of course not. Your turn!” he answered.

“Are _you_ gay?” I asked, mostly joking, because what were the odds?

“Guilty as charged.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Well, it’s just...you don’t look or act gay.”

“You’re right. I don’t wear sweater vests,” he teased, pushing lightly on my arm as a mock jostle.

“Don’t disrespect the sweater vest!” I played along, nudging him back.

The jokes continued as our laughter grew loud enough to attract the attention of the group we’d abandoned at the billiard’s table. None of them did anything that I noticed, but I did see Hanji look our way frequently, though it didn’t bother me. I was just having a good laugh with a nice guy. I figured I’d succeeded on the friend-making front. At nine-thirty, I told Erwin that I would probably be heading home and he said he would be too and we walked out of the the bar together. We exchanged phone numbers fairly quickly before embracing (I noticed his didn’t pat my back but kept his hands stationary, which I thought was odd for a platonic relationship, but I wasn’t about to judge his mannerisms) and heading our separate ways.

I got home around ten and saw a text from Hanji.

HANJI: _i didnt know you could be so seductive_

ME: _what do u mean?_

HANJI: _you and erwin seemed awfully anxious to leave. didnt even say goodbye_

ME: _oh. sorry. just forgot_

HANJI: _whatever you say, sunshine ;)_

  
I decided to talk to her about it the next morning because I was pretty tired and so I got into bed with a strange swelling, happy feeling in my chest and smiled for a while until I fell asleep for a reason I couldn’t identify.


	2. Looking Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin and Eren are bad at flirting, but Hanji manages to help them anyways. Also, Erwin has insecurities? What?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I had a couple cancelled classes today and decided to spend my time writing gay fanfiction, as I do. OTL. Anyway, hit me up on tumblr (thelogicalbacon).  
> Enjoy!

Shit, shit, shit! Pulling on a pair of dark jeans hurriedly, I tried my hardest not to trip and be later than I already was. My hair was an absolute mess, which I noticed as I furiously brushed my teeth, but that could be fixed in the car.  I grabbed my messenger bag and ran to my car, starting the ignition and barreling down the road. I got to school as the first period bell rang and I breathed a sigh of relief because I didn't have a period A class. Ambling down to the school cafe, I got in line right before Erwin once again. This time I had a fiver and paid for a small cup of French toast coffee without the help of my new friend, who chuckled softly behind me as I paid for my order and in response I kicked him lightly, playful. The same mousey girl handed me my coffee and I waited off the to side a bit for Erwin to be served and listened idly to his words.

"Hi! Liliana, right?" he asked with a warm smile, and I assumed she took one of his classes. He received a slight nod from the girl before he ordered a walnut brownie, saying something about treating himself. When he had his brownie in hand, I took a sip of my coffee and made eye contact with Erwin, who took an easy stride toward me so we were at a comfortable speaking distance.

"Late start this morning?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well yesterday you were wearing a sweater vest and khakis and today your wearing jeans and a hoodie. I would assume that's because of a late start."

"I didn't think it would be so noticeable."

"It's not bad. You look good. I'm just observant."

"I can tell."

"Let's walk?"

"Yeah."

When I made my way up toward my room, skipping the stop at my office because I already had all the things I'd need, I passed Hanji in the hall, who apparently didn't have class during period B.

"Wow. You look like shit. Hangover?" she said, half concerned and half amused.

"No. I just slept in too late. Erwin said I looked good this morning." Hanji cocked an eyebrow in response and tried to hold in her bubbling laughter as she walked away.

"What?" I yelled after her, but to no avail.

Deciding to leave it be, I entered my classroom and set my things down before the class filed in. I greeted them with a smile and told them that I would be dedicating the class to collecting questions and things they'd like to know or do during the course of the year so I could better mold the curriculum to the class' interests. They were slow to start asking questions, but once a few initial brave students got the ball rolling, they were asking all sorts of interesting questions and I was excited to teach them all I could.

* * *

 

After period B ended, I headed back over to my office where I found Hanji waiting for me with arms crossed.

"You lied to me."

"Huh?" I asked, thoroughly confused.

"You said nothing happened after you left the bar last night, but that Erwin said you looked nice THIS MORNING." Realization hit me and I laughed for a while and it was Hanji's turn to be confused.

"No! He and I both go to the school cafe and talk. We have period A free."

"Oh!!!!! Goodness, sunshine! Don't scare me like that," she joked with a smile. Quickly, her expression turned solemn. "But you've ensnared him rather quickly, I think."

"What do you mean? He was just being nice."

"Erwin Smith doesn't do nice. He does polite. If he sets aside his entire first period for you every morning and compliments you like that, you'd better believe the poor soul is trying to flirt."

"What? No!"

"Think about it..."

Looking back, I could sort of see it, and my cheeks flushed red as I recalled all the evidence I hadn't been clever enough to piece together.

"Oh, God. What do I do, Hanji?"

"Do you think he's attractive?" I didn't respond, instead looking down at my feet. "You do!" she yelled. I clapped my hand over her mouth, shushing her.

“Could you handle being discreet for two seconds?” I whispered. Eagerly, Hanji nodded, and I took my hand away to find her crazy grin underneath to compliment her eyes which sparkled with deviousness.

“Let me tell you what I’d do,” the fanatical woman began, placing her right hand over her heart proudly, as if she was an encyclopedia of information on how to attain the blond enigma. “I’d play along, like you’ve been doing. Just be playful, but also don’t be so discreet about your flirting. Sometimes he can be sort of oblivious.”

“Alright. Thanks, Hanji!” I replied, hugging her awkwardly, which she was obviously surprised by, but it made her really happy and I felt her arms squeeze tightly around me and I felt secure.

“Thank you for being so kind to me, Hanji,” I repeated. She nodded into my shoulder before we separated and Hanji realized that she was running late for a meeting and scurried off. I laughed at that and waited around until day’s end. As I packed up and headed toward my car, I saw Erwin, and called his name while I quickened my pace to catch up to him.

“Eren! Good to see you. How was your day?”

“It was great. It’s, um, better now.”

“Oh? Why?” Erwin cocked his brow.

“Uhhhh… Anyway, how was your day?”

“It was good, thanks for asking. Admittedly, our conversation this morning was the highlight. The beginning of the year classes are the least fun in my opinion.”

“Ah. Well I think it’s fun. You get to learn a lot about people,” I said sort of quietly, looking up at Erwin and touching his arm lightly.

“Eren? Are you alright? You’re acting kinda weird.”

“Oh, uh, yeah,” I said, recoiling as if from a burn and taking a half-step back as we stood on the pavement. “It’s just...Hanji’s stupid advice.”

“Advice on what?”

“Well, um, she sort of said you were into me and told me to flirt back and I, um...sorry. I’m gonna go now,” I mumbled, starting off toward my retro vehicle, only to be stopped by a hand clasped around my wrist tightly, but not so tight that it hurt.

“Wait, stay,” he began, and I turned back to face him again. “Hanji knows me well; I can’t be discreet about anything without her blabbing all about it,” he went on. “Point is, there’s no need to be sorry. Why don’t we go somewhere tomorrow night, just the two of us?”

“Uh, sure. I’d like that. Do you want my number or…?”

“Oh, no. Hanji already gave it to everyone who was at Maria’s last night,” he informed with an apologetic smile.

“Hanji just cannot keep any secrets can she?” I joked, grinning

“You’d be surprised,” he mused, and turned towards his car. I took a while to let that marinate before heading back to my Beetle and starting home, once again filled with the swelling feeling in my chest.

* * *

 

The next day during period A, I could hardly focus on our conversation or putting one foot in front of the other because I was so excited for that night, and I’m sure that carried through into all of my actions. Nevertheless, the end of the day came quickly and I hurried home after the final bell rang and plopped down on my bed with a satisfied sigh. I glanced over at my phone and checked it compulsively, but nothing from Erwin came until three-fifty-three.

ERWIN: _How’s 7?_

ME: _fine. where?_

ERWIN: _Do you like steak?_

ME: _yes_

ERWIN: _Then is Flavor Corps good for you?_

ME: _its great. thanks._

* * *

 

I picked out a lavender-colored button-up with black jeans and brown shoes and set them out for me to change into later. Busying myself with menial tasks, I watched the time tick by until it was time to get ready, which made me more nervous than it should have. Oddly, even though I’d had a good amount of boyfriends and some one-night stands, getting ready for first dates always made my heart flutter as if I was a schoolboy.

When 6:45 rolled around, I got in my car, drove at a comfortable speed to Flavor Corps and arrived at 7:02. I saw Erwin waiting outside, looking confident as ever, and approached with a smile.

“Hey,” I greeted casually.

“Hi. You look nice,” he replied, pulling me in for a brief embrace.

“Thanks. You’re not bad yourself,” I grinned as we separated.

“Thank you for your endless praise,” the tall man quipped and I giggled.

Heading inside with our arms brushing, Erwin asked for a table for two and the cheery hostess lead us to a dim booth and handed us some menus.

“Don’t worry about the price. I get a friend discount.”

“Alright,” I nodded, though I still picked an item that cost about ten dollars, though the menu topped out around twenty-five dollars for a five-pound steak or something.

“Can I get you both some drinks tonight?” the waitress asked politely.

“Yeah, I’ll have a water,” I replied. Erwin raised an eyebrow before ordering himself a hard cider. He knew I was trying to keep costs down, but didn’t comment.

“Did you need more time to decide on the food?” she went on.

“I’ve decided,” Erwin said quietly.

“Me too.”

We ordered our food and handed our menus back and the flouncy girl bounced away with them and we were left alone together once more.

“How was your day, Eren?” Erwin began.

“Pretty good. A girl asked me if aliens were real today in class, though, and that derailed it for about twenty minutes until we were just talking about Schrodinger’s cat.”

“How did that happen?” he chuckled, bemused.

“Well I tried to explain that we don’t really know if there are other sentient life forms out there and then someone asked if that was like Schrodinger’s cat because we don’t know if they’re there or not and suggested that they both existed and didn’t and that just made everyone think much too hard for their own good.”

“That happens a lot. It’s sometimes the kids who think too much, or the ones who think too little, but there are always kids who throw a monkeywrench in the whole thing.”

“Exactly. Same thing probably happened last year when I was student-teaching, but I was too oblivious to notice.”

“That’s how it happens.” Pause. “Hey, can I ask you an unrelated question?”

“Sure thing.”

“Why does Hanji call you sunshine?”

“Oh. Well she was getting off her bike and saw me in my yellow Beetle and since that was the way she first saw me she associates me with the yellow color of my car and that reminded her of sunshine I guess and now that’s my name to her.”

“I see. She is that type of person, isn’t she? Coming up with nicknames and being so familiar almost immediately. In some ways I envy her confidence.”

“Erwin Smith unconfident? Impossible!” I mocked.

“It’s true! Sometimes I wish I could work up the courage to be even half as bold as she is.”

“Oh really?” I inquired grinning.  
“Really,” he confirmed, not quite sure what was so funny.

“I guess I’ll be a role model too then.”

“What do you-?” he began, but his words were cut off by a small, chaste kiss across the table.

“See, the trick is to just do it. Worst comes to worst, you know what NOT to do in the future.”

“You’re damned lucky you’re adorable,” he growled, though I could tell by his smile that he was just joking around.

“Aw, shucks. Really?” I played along, though a real blush did spread through my cheeks.

“Oh yes.” His tone was husky, though the entire mood changed as the waitress returned with our drinks. Our conversation continued after she left, however, rapidly going from light-hearted joking to intense innuendos and euphemisms and back in no time flat. When the check finally came, it was not our entirely too cheerful waitress, but a man with medium brown hair parted in the middle who gave it to us.

“Half is on the house,” the man said, though obviously Erwin already knew that.

“You’re the best, Moblit. Great meal as always.”

“Thank you. Who’s your friend?” The way the man said the word implied his knowledge that I was not just a friend.

“This is Eren. He works at the school and shares an office with Hanji.”

“Oh really?” the man questioned, looking at my with one eyebrow cocked.

“Yeah. She’s been a Godsend,” I said honestly.

“Good to hear. Tell her I say hi the next time you see her, alright?” the man requested.

“Of course,” I replied with a smile. Erwin smiled too, but I got the sense he knew more than he let on.

Once Erwin put some cash in the little black folder, we stood up and made our way out, thanking all the staff we passed. Once outside, the cold rush of air pushed us close together for warmth, and our goodbye was prolonged because of that.

“So, um, I’ll text you?” I asked nervously.

“Yeah. That’d be good.”

We hugged. Erwin spoke again.

“I’m gonna take your advice.”

“What do you-?” My words were cut off by a kiss, but this one wasn’t just a quick peck across a table, but one with so much more promise. My gloved hands felt little as I cupped his cheeks and pulled him closer, and my skin charged as his hands found the small of my back and pulled me in. Even though our jackets were fairly light, my body craved more sensation, and I fought the urge to indulge it. Our...relationship?...was far too new to be so passionate. Instead, after a while, we pulled apart. I still had the taste of him on my lips and smiled as my body tingled and we said our goodbyes once more and headed toward our cars, driving off separately. Hanji would not be impressed by our probably uninteresting (to her) engagements, but I was quite satisfied with it. I wasn’t 18 anymore and my sexual urges and desires were not strong for me to be an eager beaver every second of every day. It certainly crossed my mind, but slower-than-before developments were my fancy at 25. I didn’t require sex within two dates to get my fill, and that seemed frankly inappropriate. I chuckled at my thoughts. ‘What a difference five years makes’ I noted with a dull smile as I fished through my pocket for keys, unlocked the door, and got into the swing of my nighttime routine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this. Sorry it was a little shorter than the last chapter. Sometimes I just get to a point that I think would be a good stopping point and it's kinda hard to keep going from there without it being too jumpy, so sorry.  
> Anyway, thank you for reading. <3


	3. Meryl Streep's Acting Genius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get steamy in the faculty bathroom, Petra sets up a double date for brunch on Sunday, and the kiddos meet up at Erwin's house to watch Meryl Streep kill it on screen, but get a bit sidetracked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't usually write smut, so it might be weird and I'm sorry if it is.

On Monday, I pulled up into the space I habitually used and set out to go to the office to drop some stuff off before class. I saw Hanji in passing and stopped her.

“I met a guy named Moblit yesterday and he told me to tell you ‘hi’.” Immediately she burst out in laughter, and I swear I saw a tear come to her eye because of how hard she laughed. “What? What is it?” I asked, confused.

“Moblit is my husband. I see him every day OH MY GOD this is rich. Did he not mention me? Where did you even see him?”

“Oh, I went to Flavor Corps.”

“How did the date go?”

“Why do you assume I was on a date?”

“Because Erwin, bless him, is so enamored with routine it’s ridiculous. If you don’t actually FORCE him to break routine, he won’t. Ever.”

“Oh,” I returned quietly, a bit crestfallen.

“No, no! Sunshine, don’t take it like that. He’s just not that creative. Don’t think you’re not special or unique. He doesn’t date that much either, so you must have REALLY caught his attention.” She looked at her watch and her face contorted in a way I couldn’t quite read. “Listen, I really need to get going, but I’ll be in the office for E, F,  and G, so we’ll talk then.” I nodded glumly as she scurried off and I headed down to the cafe, feet feeling like lead. When I got there, Erwin had already gotten his daily treat and seemed to be waiting around for me. His face lit up at the sight of me, but when he read my expression, it fell once more and he approached.

“Why the long face?”

“No reason.”

“People - especially people like you - aren’t sad for no reason.”

“Well, it’s just that… I was telling Hanji about how we saw Moblit on Friday and she told me that you always bring people there and I just… I don’t know. I just feel so -” Erwin cut me off by stuffing his cookie into my mouth and told me to follow him. Obediently, naively, I did. He pulled me into the male faculty bathroom, which was for a single person, and locked the door. I swallowed down the cookie and gave him a looked of confusion as I stood with my back to the door. Erwin quickly remedied my confusion when he came closer and tilted my face up with a gentle finger under my chin.

“There are a lot of sides of me that Hanji doesn’t know. If I were you, I’d take what she says with a grain of salt,” he said, voice low, husky, and commanding. I nodded slightly, readily, complete putty in his hands with that look of want in his face. I wasn’t sure how someone could want someone like me so much, but I was glad of it either way.

He then pulled me into a kiss, which was slow as first, but then became more and more passionate. I tugged his hair softly with my fingers, and his hands in the small of my back pulled me in. Thirsting for contact, I wrapped one leg around him, and his hands ventured down to my butt, squeezing pleasantly. It was warm and close and intimate and I suddenly remembered why a more youthful Eren Jeager enjoyed that type of thing so much. Erwin then pulled his lips away from me with a devious look and nipped my ear lightly, making my mouth hang open. He left feather kisses on my neck and pulled the neckline of my sweater aside to leave kisses there, and he sucked beautifully on my skin. Afterwards, he kissed that spot gently and worked his way back up to my lips, engaging me once more in a passionate kiss. It seemed to last forever until Erwin pulled away once again and I couldn’t hide the disappointment in my face as he took a step back and I had to lean against the door for support while my gelatinous legs gained substance. “It’s ten to period B. Hope that addressed any doubts you have, though,” he said rather curtly, though the glint in his eye took the edge off of that. I nodded and stepped away from the door to let him out.

“I’m just gonna, uh…,” I began before Erwin laughed knowingly and nodded, leaving me in the faculty restroom alone. “Wow,” I whispered to no one, and wobbled to the sink to wash my face with cold water. That made a certain specific part of me that was especially excited calm down a bit. I waited a few more minutes for it to completely recover before I exited the bathroom with a huge smile plastered across my face.

* * *

 

When E block finally rolled around, I sat down in my chair. It was really hot in the office because the automatic heating had just kicked in but the weather outside hadn’t cooled down enough yet, so I took off my sweater and figured my white tank top that I wore as an undershirt was good enough. When Hanji entered the room, she was (for once) quiet, and shut the door gingerly. When she saw me, I swear her jaw nearly fell right off and I looked at her with confusion before I remembered the events of the bathroom, and how Erwin had given me a small hickey on my shoulder which was covered by my sweater but not by the tank top I wore then.

“Oh, I...uh…”

“You did NOT have SEX in school,” she said incredulously, though by her tone she obviously thought we had.

“No, no. Just heavy making out because the period was about to end.”

“Oh, okay. Just making out. JUST MAKING OUT! Tell me the whole story! I want the scoop!”

“Um… Well, he asked why I was sad and I told him that you said he always brings people to FC and he brought me into the faculty bathroom and...yeah…”

“Oh my,” Hanji breathed, at a loss for words, which was weird. I chuckled a bit at her being out of character before she pulled out her phone and began to type furiously.

“Who are you texting?”

“I made a mass text group on my phone so we could all have conversations together. Here, I’ll add you to it and put everyone’s number in your phone so you can text them with anything.” She quickly seized my phone from my desk and typed even more furiously into it before handing it back, triumphant. My phone buzzed with new texts.

HANJI: _how many of you are free F?_

ARMIN: _Sorry_

PETRA: _What is it, honey?_

HANJI: _emergency meeting - happy subject_

ERWIN: _Got meetings_

PETRA: _I could make it, but you want to talk to everybody at once, right?_

CHRISTA: _I’m free F, but after school I made a date. Evening work?_

HANJI: _ya wanna talk to evryone. evening ok for people?_

ARMIN: _Yes_

PETRA: _Sure._

ERWIN: _Suppose_

LEVI: _hope u rnt playin a prank, shitty-glasses_

HANJI: _im not_

CHRISTA: _Sorry for the inconvenience!_

HANJI: _its no trouble_

CHRISTA: _Can Ymir come?_

HANJI: _more the merrier_

CHRISTA: _< 3_

PETRA: _See you all soon._

LEVI: _ill b there_

ARMIN: _Look forward to it_

ERWIN: _Likewise_

HANJI: _could you come up, p?_

PETRA: _On my way._

I was taken aback by how quickly everyone responded, and within a few minutes, Petra was rapping on the door of the science lounge space. Hanji rushed to the door, let her in, and ushered her into our slightly cramped two-person office space and shut the door again.

“Alright, so I was right about Wednesday night,” Hanji began, referring to Erwin and I leaving together that night at Maria’s. Petra shot me a glance with eyebrows raised and I blushed slightly, looking down at my hands.

“Hickey?” Petra questioned, though it wasn’t really directed toward either of us more than the other.

“This morning. Faculty bathroom.”

“Racey.”

“We didn’t have sex!” I interjected awkwardly, and Petra looked over at me again with an expression I couldn’t decipher.

“Well I really did think you would at least wait until the second date for all that sex stuff,” the auburn-haired woman joked with a sarcastic smile.

“Oh, God. Do you think we’re going too fast?” I asked self-consciously.

“No, no. You’re fine. I was just kidding.”

“But are we? It feels so fast.”

“Does it feel too fast to you? Do you want to slow down?” Hanji asked.

“Um…”

“Does it feel wrong?” she clarified.

“No,” I whispered, afraid of their judgement.

“Then you’re going at just the right speed. As long as it feels good, to hell with whatever the fuck society says, because society can shove it.” Silence.

“Hanji’s right, Eren. You do whatever feels right. I know you don’t really know us that well yet, but we’re really accepting.”

I nodded, though the conviction wasn’t there.

“What if you and Erwin went on a double date with me and my fiancee?”

“Uh, sure. Why not?”

“How about we meet for brunch on Sunday?”

“Alright. You’ll have to ask Erwin about it too, but I’m fine with it.”

“Okay. Cool. Listen, it’s great talking to both of you, but I put some seniors in charge of my class so I’ve gotta run. See you both this evening.”

“See ya, Fanta,” Hanji called out. It seemed that she had quirky nicknames for everyone. I could see what Erwin meant about envying her. She was just so at ease with everything. I hoped some of that would rub off on me.

* * *

 

When six o’clock rolled around, I strolled up to Maria’s (apparently the group’s designated meeting spot), and found them by the same billiard’s table. Approaching easily, I was greeted by Hanji, Petra, and Christa. Soon enough, Ymir came with five beers, apparently having seen me in time to get one for me. I graciously accepted it and took a sip, slipping easily into their conversation, which was mostly idle babble about school.

“Sometimes I give a kid a slab of clay and tell them: go make a pinch pot. And somehow they manage to screw it up. I mean, it’s a pinch pot! How hard can that possibly be?” Petra commented, seeming to be already a bit buzzed.

“That must be hard. Most kids who take child dev really have an interest in it, so I don’t run into that as much,” Christa responded calmly, taking a small sip of her beer. Soon after, a familiar twinkling sound came and I saw Erwin enter, quickly followed by Levi and Armin. The blond came up to me and placed his hand in the small of my back. I remembered the adventure in the bathroom and let out a small satisfied sigh. The conversation went on normally, with some laughter, some deep, insightful conversation, and some things in between. All the time, Erwin’s hand ghosted my body, and sometimes he’d squeeze my side a bit and I’d bite my lip and both Hanji and Petra would laugh. Eventually, Hanji tapped a pool ball against her beer bottle and people quieted down.

“I’m sure you’re all wondering why I’ve gathered you all here today, and now it’s time.” Blank stares. “Since the school’s heating system just kicked in today, Eren took off his sweater in the office and I noticed a mark on his shoulder.” I looked up at Erwin apologetically, but he chuckled and seemed to be a good sport about it. “Sources have disclosed an occurrence in the faculty bathroom.” Erwin ruffled my hair a bit, playfully and wordlessly chastising me. I responded by getting up on my tip-toes and pecking the blond on the lips. This caused Hanji to utter a loud ‘awwwww’. I felt my face heat ever so slightly and looked down at the billiards table and Erwin chuckled again. I checked the time and looked back up at everyone.

“I’ve gotta go, ‘cause I don’t wanna sleep in and be late to school again.”

“Alright, see you later, Eren,” some people replied.

“Have a good night, sunshine.”

“I’d best be going too.”

The blond kept his hand on my back as we walked out, and we shared a not-as-intense kiss once outside. Looking up into the man’s eyes, I smiled, and he reciprocated.

“Say, are you busy tomorrow right after school?”

“Now I am. Where are we going?” He smiled wider.

“I was thinking my house?”

“Naughty, naughty,” I grinned and he returned the devious look.

“We’ll see,” he said noncommittally, before bidding me a goodnight.

* * *

 

The day seemed to last forever, but when it finally ended, Erwin and I met up in the parking lot and he told me to follow him, so I mentally made a note to follow a classic red Mustang as I climbed into my own small Beetle. His house wasn’t too far away, and I found that it was in the same town I lived in, which was quite the convenient coincidence. When we pulled up to his residence, I found that it was a good-sized single-family thing with a nice garage, a rather spacious yard, and a pool which was closed for the season. I figured he’d probably inherited it from some family member, because it seemed odd for a single man to live somewhere so residential. I parked in his garage easily and walked with him to the door adjoining it with the rest of his house. Inside, it was modern, but still warm, and I felt quite welcome, which was nice.

“Do you want anything? Water? Coffee?”

“No, no. I’m alright, thanks.”

“So, do you wanna watch a movie?”

“Sure. You pick.”

“Alright. The Devil Wears Prada?”

“Sounds good.” Erwin lead me to a cozy media room with a good-sized TV, a case of DVDs and CDs, a stereo, and a comfortable dark leather couch. I sat down on it and leaned back, watching Erwin intently as he leaned over to rifle through his collection to find the movie we wanted.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re doing that on purpose,” I remarked with a grin.

“Doing what?” he replied, feigning innocence.

“Oh nothing,” I began, rising and making my way over to him. I ran my hand slightly tentatively across his ass. “Just showing this off.”

Erwin hummed softly before turning around and rising to look at me, that same spark of deviousness glittering in his eyes. “Guess we’ll have to watch Meryl Streep’s acting genius later.”

“Guess so,” I returned in a similarly low tone, near a purr as his hands found the sweet spot on my back and I did nothing to hold back the light ‘mm’ of satisfaction that arose from somewhere deep in my throat.

Erwin then tilted my face up for a kiss and I felt the sparks dance across my skin, knowing there would be no period B to interrupt us. Things grew heated as they had before, and he lead me to the wall, pressingly my back against it with force, but not the unpleasurable kind. He tugged lightly on the hem of my shirt, and I raised my arms up to allow him to tug the thing off with ease. I saw him toss it somewhere, but the exact location of it wasn’t on my mind. As he trailed kisses along my neck, jawline, and collarbone, he spoke in between them.

“I. Want. You. To. Know. That. You. Can. Say. ‘No’. Anytime. And. I. Want. You. To. Be. Comfortable. Okay?” He looked up at me earnestly.

“Okay,” I breathed with effort, eager to keep going. He nodded in recognition and continued with the kisses and sometimes sucked lightly on an area before kissing it gingerly. Absolute torture. Then he moved down to my nipples, sucking and ravishing one while he twisted the other. My head lolled back and hit the wall dully, but it didn’t hurt. Mouth agape, I heard some small, pathetic sounds escape from it, though I didn’t much care. Then, after switching nipples, he worked his way up again and our lips locked. I grabbed the bottom of his shirt and he allowed me to remove it. Our hands found each other’s pant waistlines and we undid the jeans, tossing them and our underwear aside. My fingers entangled in his hair, messing up his perfect golden locks. He massaged my butt with one hand as he reached over to a bookshelf with the other. I heard the familiar tear of foil in teeth, and soon a cold, slippery finger came around and paused, asking if it was okay. I nodded roughly, taking in sharp breaths.

“Yes!” I yelled. After he’d gotten me prepared with three fingers, his fingers came under me and he used both hands to hoist me up and ‘sit’ me down onto his penis (which was, for the record, pretty giant, all things considered). I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck and shoulders, letting out moans in my pleasure. His hands remained on my ass, lightly supporting me. Each thrust was a new, electrifying sensation and I called out with come incoherent word every time. My back hit the wall each time with a dull thud, and I smiled in spite of myself because of the noise we were making. I felt the familiar tingle deep in my stomach, close to release (quite literally).

“Erwin, I...fuck...I’m close.” He moved one hand to catch it, and, after a few more thrusts, I felt the warmth inside me too. He then lifted me a bit and set me down on shaky legs. He leaned down to whisper in my ear, voice raspy.

“I’m going to go clean up in the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” I nodded dumbly as he left, still leaning against the wall for support. When my legs gained stability, I put on my boxers again and sprawled out on his couch to enjoy the afterglow. With a pleased sigh, I closed my eyes and waited for Erwin’s return.

“You look so sexy with that messy hair,” he said upon his re-entry, kissing my forehead softly. I sat up to allow him space to sit and he did. Leaning into his side, I nuzzled my head into him comfortably, and he put his arm around me. Neither of us said anything for a while, but we didn’t need to. His skin on mine felt charged, but comfortably so. Even as he turned on the TV to some cooking show, it was just white noise, and eventually I sat up, which confused Erwin, but that didn’t last long as I leaned in for another kiss and he pulled me gently onto his lap. It was easy to forget how little time we actually had that afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm planning some angst soon, so get ready for minor feels and then probably more fluff.


	4. Eviction Notice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren gets evicted, moves in with Armin, and advises a protege about how to go about his self-discoveries. Also the babes eat lunch with Petra and her fiancee. Weeee!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY FOR HOW LATE THIS IS! I had the worst writer's block, so I hope the continuity isn't crap because of it. Also I've been so stressed with family emergencies lately, and that kinda kills the mood. Anyway, this was sort of an important transition chapter, so maybe now things will start to pick up.  
> Enjoy!

  ****

“I fucking swear we went five rounds - easy,” I whispered to Hanji in our office, the door closed and blocked by my body in case of intrusion.

“Holy shit, sunshine. And all this was yesterday afternoon?” she asked incredulously. I nodded with vigor and she chuckled a low chuckle, eyes closed in mock exasperation. “You both need Jesus,” she joked and I laughed loudly before clapping a hand over my own mouth to avoid suspicions of having too much fun in school.

“I have tons of grading to do tonight, though, so I’ll have to go right home once this period ends.”

“Alright. Well I have to go talk to the other department heads to discuss how things are going, but I’ll see you soon, right, sunshine?”

“You know it.”

* * *

Sure enough, the period did end and and raced home to get started on my work. When I pulled up into my parking space, however, I noticed a sign on my door and rolled my eyes. I was sick and tired of those damn political missionaries trying to recruit me. I already knew how I was going to vote - thanks! As I drew closer to the door, I felt my legs turn to jelly, and not in the good way. The large, black, bold letters across the top seemed to swim in my head. EVICTION NOTICE. Two words that I’d hoped I’d never read, yet there they were. I ripped the sign off my door and hurried inside. Once the door was shut, I fell down onto the floor and cried. In thirty days I’d be fucking homeless. What did I do to deserve that? Why? Why me? Why then? Just why? After what seemed to be simultaneously and eternity and and infinitessimally small amount of time, I picked up the phone and scrolled to Hanji’s name and called her. She picked up after a few rings.

“Hanji?” I rasped weakly.

“Sunshine? Are you okay?” she responded, her voice strained with concern.

“I’m getting evicted.”

“What can I do?”

“Do you have a couch?”

“I do, but my lease says only two people can live here.”

“Fuck.”

“Um… I know! How about Armin? He’s paid his lease up for the next year and a half and his occupancy limit is, like, five.”

“I hardly know him, Hanji. I’d feel bad for imposing.”

“Nothing else comes to mind.”

“I’ll call my landlord and see if I can negotiate some more time than thirty days.”

“Good luck. I love you, sunshine.”

“Thanks.”

I took a five minutes to breathe and collect myself before calling up my landlord, who picked up after a long time.

“Hello?” he said, sounded perfectly content with his miserable excuse for a life.

“Hello, Mr. Fredrickson. I was just calling to ask about the eviction notice that was posted on my door today.”

“Oh, right, yeah. I need you out in ten days.”

“The legal limit is thirty days, sir. You can’t make me leave any sooner.”

“Whatever’s in there after ten days is going to charity.” I thought that was sick. Who throws someone out of a rental in an illegal amount of time and gives their stuff to charity? What hypocrisy.

“Why are you doing this?”

“I’m evicting all my tenants and selling my property so I can retire in Bermuda.”

“It’s very sunny there,” I said through gritted teeth, trying to hide the hatred in my voice.

“Yes it is. Goodbye, Mr. Jaeger.” He hung up. I curled up on the ground again and texted Hanji to tell her that I, in fact, had only ten days to get out. After maybe twenty more moping minutes, I picked myself up, put on some club music to cheer me up, and started packing all my clothes. Though I cried the whole time, it had to be done.

* * *

I found Armin’s office the next day during period C, which we both had free.

“Hi,” I broke the silence awkwardly.

“Hey. How are you?”

“Uh… Do you want an honest answer or a polite answer?”

He smiled at the question. “Be honest. That’d be a nice change of pace.”

“Yesterday I got an eviction notice and I called my landlord and he said that I had ten days to get out and it’s nine days now and I have maybe half my stuff packed up but nowhere to stay.”

“Isn’t it-”

“Yes, it’s illegal, but I wouldn’t test the guy.”

“Well I’m sorry about that,” he said sympathetically.

“Hanji told me to ask if you had a couch. And I totally get it if you don’t want some near-stranger living in your house.”

“Please. I had craigslist roommates in college. Stay as long as you need.”

“Serious?”

“Of course.”

“Armin...thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me. I… Thank you so much!” I hugged him tightly despite myself, and figured that Hanji must have been rubbing off on me.

“You’re welcome.” He returned the hug lightly. I pulled away suddenly, with a serious expression.

“How much do I owe you up front for rent?”

“Nothing. I’ve already paid up through next year. I wouldn’t take a penny I didn’t need.”

“But…”

“Do you want a place to stay?”

“Yes…” I replied, eyebrow cocked in question.

“Then keep your money. I’m sure you’ll find something to spend it on.”

“Thank you!” I reiterated. Armin just laughed and cocked a brow before I realized that it was already five minutes into period D and I was late. “Shit. Talk to you later!” Collecting my materials, I raced off to the classroom.

* * *

When the day was over, Erwin texted me asking if we were going to meet up, to which I replied that I had a lot of work to do and that I couldn’t, but I’d go over on Saturday for sure. He said that was fine and I climbed into my car. Tears that I couldn’t explain rolled down my face as I drove to my half-packed apartment. When I got there, I immediately set out to pack up the rest. I finished around six, and then sat down to grade papers and plan lessons. At ten, I was done with that, and my stomach growled. I felt too sad to eat, however, and so I just went to bed hungry.

* * *

The next morning, I woke at four and groaned. Not able to fall back to sleep, I got up, fixed myself a coffee, and got ready for school. At seven, I texted Armin.

ME: when should i bring my stuff

ARMIN: I’ll take you to the place after school

ME: i drive a buggy

ARMIN: Minivan

ME: then can we stop off at my rental first to get my stuff. theres not much

ARMIN: Sure

* * *

When I arrived at the cafe, I didn’t order anything and waited for Erwin to get his bran muffin. My stomach grumbled loudly and his brow furrowed.

“What did you have for breakfast?”

“Coffee.”

“Dinner last night?”

“Nothing.”

“Eren, you can tell me if something is stressing you out.”

“I’m fine,” I lied.

“Are you anorexic?”

“No.”

“It’s not only for teenage girls, you know.”

“Yeah I know. I’m just really busy and I forget to eat.”

“Eren…”

“Can we not talk about this?” Erwin seemed unsatisfied by my unwillingness to open up, but I didn’t want to worry him. I knew as mid-terms approached, he’d have a steadily increasing workload and my problems weren’t going to make his life any easier. Besides, I was determined not to burden anyone. Since Armin seemed so chill, I figured he wasn’t being too empathetic, which was pretty ideal for me. He seemed like a smart, level-headed guy. What should I expect from someone of his caliber?

“So how was grading?” Erwin asked, still sounding deeply concerned as he regarded me.

“Alright. Lots of As and Bs, which is a good sign.”

The small talk continued for a time until it was time for period B, and I taught my class like I had to but the spark just wasn’t there anymore. Perhaps because of the overall downward pattern of my life events in that time, everything just seemed to suck. Even if it didn’t. Free cupcake? Too much sugar. Sunny day? Too hot. Overcast? Too dark. Rain? Too wet. Everything was too much of something bad. I put on a happy face for people, but inside I felt...empty. I wondered why something so insignificant as having to move had such an effect on me. Later, I would learn that it’s not really things that make people sad, but the feelings that come with the events that cause us to plummet or soar. It wasn’t that I got evicted, it was that I felt powerless, and if there’s one thing I hate, it’s being powerless.

* * *

I told Armin my address and we both went to my rental and got my ten or so boxes and put them in the minivan. I took my two or three duffel bags in my own car, and that was it. The furniture came with the place, and when I was done with taking all of my personal effects out of the place, I realized how little I actually had, which only added to the empty feeling. After a few minutes of saying goodbye, I left my key in the mailbox, texted my landlord that I was out and that was it. I would never see that place again. Good riddance, I decided on the way to Armin’s house. That place had plumbing issues!

* * *

Armin’s residence was a basement rental, though the walls were light-colored to give the illusion of good lighting. The couch looked plush and warm, which I was glad of. Armin told me he’d keep my stuff in boxes in the spare room so I could just collect it when I found a more permanent place to live and that I could use his things with the exception of the obvious, like clothes and toothbrush. I nodded along as he spoke, and didn’t keep him when he said he was going to go to his room to work. I sat down on the couch and did my own work until about nine, when I must have fallen asleep on the couch. That didn’t bother me so much, though, because I woke up early with an actual appetite, which was nice. I smiled as I chowed down on a bagel, thinking how happy Erwin would be that I was eating. Slowly, the temporary emptiness subsided into more of a general neutrality, which wasn’t bad. Also, since it was a Thursday, it was almost the weekend and that was something to celebrate.

I climbed into my car and headed to school, not caring that I would be ridiculously early because Armin’s apartment was closer to school than mine was. When I pulled up into my regular spot, I headed into school, dropped my stuff off, and cried some more. I felt weak and ashamed of my frequent crying and couldn’t quite explain why I did so often. To be honest, I didn’t really even feel that sad, but nevertheless, tears came. Soon enough, they stopped and I felt fine. Too fine, I guessed. It was almost like feeling nothing, and feeling nothing made a deep part of me I hadn’t been aware of sad. Even so, I wiped my tears and waited for my puffy eyes to return to normal before heading down to the cafe. I ordered a coffee and a lemon square and sat down at a small table as I waited for Erwin to arrive, though I noticed my lack of excitement, which was rather unusual.

When Erwin arrived, I forced a smile, though that pushed some tears that must have been already collecting in my eyes out of them so the salty liquid spilled out onto my cheeks. I rushed to wipe the tears away, but Erwin already saw it and rushed over.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” he asked, wiping my tears away his thumb.

“Honestly...I don’t even know…”

“What do you mean? Eren, you’re scaring me.”

“Well, see… I got evicted and my landlord said I had ten days to move out even though that’s against the law so I packed up all my stuff and now I sleep on Armin’s couch until I can find another apartment and I just don’t feel anything but I cry a lot and I just...don’t… understand…”

“You got evicted? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to worry.”

“Oh, Eren,” he said, sounding vaguely disappointed. “I’m here for you.  You can tell me anything. Why don’t you come live with me? It sounds like living with Armin was always supposed to be short term anyways.”

“I don’t want to move too fast, Erwin. Sex is one thing, but living together is a lot. I don’t want to mess it up.”

“Okay. My door is always open, though.”

We didn’t really care that we were in the middle of the cafe. Our voices were lowered and I was sure no one else could hear us, so there was no need to fret. I smiled a weak smile and stood up with Erwin to make our daily rounds, and the blond seemed to have completely forgotten his treat.

* * *

I had some forgettable conversations with Hanji and Armin, and Petra told me how excited she was for brunch on Sunday, which I’d all but forgotten about, and I nodded along and told her that I was looking forward to meeting her fiancee, which I wasn’t really. He was probably going to be a nice fellow, but honestly there were so many nice fellows and it all just seemed to monotonous and pointless.

* * *

At the end of period D, I was going to leave, but a student named Dylan stayed in the room and I figured he was waiting to ask me a question because he didn’t want to seem dumb in front of everybody. The room was emptied in a matter of seconds, and then he got up and approached me.

“Can I ask you a sort of personal question?” he asked.

“If you want to, but I might not answer,” I replied coolly.

“Um...so...are you gay?”

“Yes. Why do you ask?”

“Well, I heard some rumors that you and Mr. Smith are together.”

“Okay but why does it matter to you?”

“I...um… Research...for...personal reasons.”

“I see. Why don’t you come here after school and we can talk about it.”

“Thanks,” he replied cheerily, grinning a big grin. He often looked angry and sad and disappointed in everything, so it was nice to see him happy. All at once, I remembered why I decided to become a teacher in the first place: to help lost students in transition. I remembered when I was in Dylan’s place, wishing I had someone, anyone, to help me through. So I smiled back and it was sincere, and I saw a meaning again.

“You are very welcome.”

* * *

Dylan did come after school, and I sat down with him at one of my black-topped tables and took a second to gather all my questions to help him,

“So what prompted you to begin your...research?”

“I...um… This is embarrassing.”

“Dylan, I’ve seen and done a lot of things. I can almost guarantee you I have already been in that situation and won’t judge you.”

“Okay. Well I play football, see, and we were showering after a game...and...well...um… I…”

“I get the point. Don’t get yourself worked up.” He nodded, refusing to make eye contact with me. “Have you had these kind of attractions before?” I asked neutrally.

“The hell’s that supposed to mean?” Dylan shouted.

“I was just asking if it was an isolated incident or not.”

“You know what? It was a mistake talking to you!” He started to leave, but I placed a firm hand on his shoulder to stop him and he spun to look at me, fury dancing in his eyes.

“There’s a reason you came to talk to me. I understand what you’re going through right now, and you don’t have to answer any of my questions or tell me anything until you’re ready. However, I will try to help you because, when I was your age, I kept wishing for someone to help me and no one did.”

“So you’re here to clear your conscience? Thanks a lot, asshole.”

“No. What I’m trying to say is that I want to give you a chance to live your life without regrets about hiding who you are. Maybe you are gay, and maybe you’re not, but don’t you think it’s better to start thinking about it now than to maybe realize twenty years down the line that you’ve been living a lie?”

“Yeah,” he conceded, and I took my hand back. We sat back down.

“You can ask me anything, you know. I’m an open book.”

“Well...this isn’t really a question, but… I was thinking...how could I be gay? ‘Cause, you know, I play football and I’m gonna do wrestling in the winter and I like cars and I don’t like Mariah Carey or Britney Spears and stuff… I’m just not gay…”

“All that stuff has absolutely nothing to do with being gay or being straight. You could be the butchest man ever and still like guys, or you could be the most femme guy ever and still love women. Gender expression and sexual orientation have absolutely nothing to do with each other.”

“Did you play any sports, Mr. Jaeger?”

“I played hockey in the winter, yes.”

“And how did you manage? Like...in the locker rooms?”

“I didn’t look, to be honest. I tried my best in get in and out as quickly as possible because it was easier to explain that than an erection. Now...do you know your parents’ stance on homosexuality?”

“I live with my dad. Mom died when I was in kindergarten.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright. Didn’t really know her. Anyway, I don’t really know what he thinks of it. We haven’t talked about it.”

“Alright. Well I suggest watching Modern Family. There’s a gay couple on that show and chances are that he’ll make a comment and then you’ll know without asking or raising suspicion if it’s not safe.”

“What do you mean ‘not safe’?”

“Well, some parents are really homophobic and throw their children out if they’re gay.”

“Did that happen to you?”

“Thankfully, no. My dad wasn’t so keen on it, but my mom was very accepting and eventually he got used to it.”

“That’s good. Listen, I have practice now, but thanks for agreeing to talk to me.”

“Wait. Let me give you my phone number in case you need anything.”

“Okay.”

“But don’t call unless there’s an emergency, okay? You can text me any questions you have, but please don’t spam me or anything.”

“Sure.”

So I wrote down my phone number for him and he left. After putting up some chairs and locking up the room, I left too. It took some time to remember the way to Armin’s house, but I eventually got there, parked, and fell down on the couch, ready to sleep. It was only about four, but I was dead tired. However, I knew that would mess up my sleep schedule, so I took out my phone to text Erwin.

ME: how r u

ERWIN: Good. You?

ME: great. kid in my class reminded me of why i want to teach

ERWIN: And why’s that?

ME: to help people

ERWIN: Noble.

ME: thanks. do u have plans tom?

ERWIN: No.

ME: can i come over?

ERWIN: Sure. Say five?

ME: perfect. see u then

ERWIN: Look forward to it.

* * *

At some point I made dinner, watched some TV, planned lessons, and then made myself some chamomile tea and went to sleep. It was a strangely restful night, and I woke up feeling refreshed. Thanks to Dylan affirming my life choices, my existential crisis no longer plagued my day-to-day business, and I could return to normalcy.

* * *

The day seemed to drag on as I counted the hours until five. At some point, I told Armin that I would be going over to Erwin’s and possibly sleeping over, so he didn’t have to wait up. He seemed fine with that. In my time with him, I’d learned that he was quite the studious type, and spent a lot of time indoors, alone. However, I sometimes ate dinner with him, and learned that he was extremely intelligent, but also quite captivating. I’d become quite close with Armin, and sometimes he was also quite familiar with me, and that level of friendship helped me through the transitions. I think it’s worth mentioning that platonic relationships are so underrated, but that doesn’t make them any less meaningful than other types of relationships. In the end, friends are the people who you tell everything to, because they won’t leave you or judge you (most of the time). They are the people who you can always be stupid with, because both parties have seen each other in the worst of times and stayed. Friendships are so effortless, and I will always be grateful to Armin for being there. Hanji was also a great friend who helped me a ton.

Regardless, I counted down to the end of school, and talked to Dylan for only ten minutes because he had a game, and then I headed to Armin’s house. I killed time doing various things and eating a bit until it was time to go. I bid Armin farewell for the evening, and drove my bright yellow vehicle to Erwin’s house. When I arrived, I knocked on the door and waited patiently outside as a powerful aroma of delicious food wafted toward me.

“Eren. So nice to see you,” Erwin greeted when the door swung open.

“Back at you.” I stepped in and we shared a quick peck before I slipped off my shoes and hung my jacket. We walked together to the kitchen, where he made the final additions before bringing the food to the little table. He’d made salmon, rice, and steamed broccoli and it looked pretty good, but I ate it quickly because it wasn’t the only thing that looked good.

* * *

We were going to watch Devil Wears Prada, but we got a bit sidetracked and ended up not doing that. On Saturday morning, I told Erwin that I’d made plans to see Hanji and Moblit for lunch and then go shopping for Petra’s wedding, and invited him to come, but he said he didn’t want to impose and that he would find a way to spend the time. I kissed him goodbye when it was time to go, and set off toward the major commercial street in the city. We met at a small, modern little place which I learned was gluten-free, vegan, and organic. At first this scared me, but when my food arrived, it actually didn’t taste like literal horseshit, so Hanji laughed at my initial reluctance to eat. She and Moblit sat side-by-side, and he had a hand easily rested on her waist while he sipped on a smoothie, apparently having eaten a late breakfast.

“So, sunshine, how are you?”

“I’m pretty good actually. One of my students enlisted me to help him with his sexuality.”

“That’s nice,” Moblit commented politely.

“Yeah! It’s so good of you to be helping a student like that!”

“It’s no trouble. To be honest, I’m pretty grateful to him too, because he ridded me of my existential crisis woes.”

* * *

We spent much of the day shopping and talking and spending a little bit more money than we should have. I learned that Hanji and Moblit had known each other since elementary school and had grown up as neighbors. Apparently, Petra, Levi, and Erwin had all also grown up around the area, and Petra went to the other high school in the district. And, while they were on the subject of Petra, Hanji would not stop with her compliments to the couple, swearing up and down that they were among the cutest couples she’d seen ever. Appropriately, this got me excited for the following day, when I would finally get to meet them both for brunch.

* * *

We’d overestimated how much time we had left before we had to go, so we ended up having to rush to get to the little cafe, and when we did, Petra and a light-haired person smiled at us knowingly. I ran a hand through my tousled locks self-consciously while Erwin sat without missing a beat and shook hands with Petra’s companion, apparently named Nanaba.

“Hello,” Nanaba greeted me, and I was surprised by the pitch of the voice, having expected a man to be getting hitched with my coworker.

“Hi,” I returned, surprised by the ease on my own voice. “Nice to finally meet you. Hanji has talked my ear off about you.”

“Oh yeah. She does that. So what did she say? That I’m a big bore and that you should bring something to entertain yourself with?” Nanaba joked self-deprecatingly, though the big smile on her face showed that she was only making conversation and didn’t think so little of herself.

“Oh, no. Nothing like that. She actually wouldn’t stop talking about you. She said that you two were just about the cutest couple she’d ever seen, and all that. She, however, conveniently forgot to mention you two being a lesbian couple.”

“‘s that a problem?” Petra asked around the straw still in her mouth from the water she’d been sipping on.

“Not at all. I just wasn’t expecting it is all. I’d also think it’d be something that would just come up somehow, but, looking back, she didn’t mention your gender at all.”

“That’s Hanji for you. She’ll respect any preference you have, but she herself doesn’t really care about gender, so sometimes she just forgets it even exists. The only reason she goes by the pronoun ‘she’, really, if because she was born female and doesn’t really care much about it either way, but I’m sure if someone used another pronoun she wouldn’t mind,” Petra mused absently.

“That’s right. She used to dress more androgynously, so I called Hanji a ‘he’ for the longest time and she didn’t correct me, it was only until I caught on with everyone else that I changed, because it was easier for people to figure out who I was talking about. Anyway, I’ve heard Moblit call Hanji ‘they’, so I’m pretty sure it’s open to interpretation. I, for one, think it’s pretty cool that she’s so chill,” Nanaba added with a small but genuine smile.

“Yeah. Just to be clear, you go by ‘she’, right, Nanaba?”

“Mhm,” escaped her mouth after a small chuckle, though it wasn’t a mean one.

“What are you going to order, Eren?” Erwin asked quietly after a lull in conversation.

“I don’t know. Probably eggs, sausage, bacon, and toast.”

“Hpmh,” Petra grunted, mocking slightly.

“What?” I asked defensively.

“I just never understood the appeal of sausage, that’s all.”

“Well I never understood the appeal of vagina, but you don’t see me scoffing at you two.”

Petra laughed for a very long time before she finally collected herself enough to say, “I mean literal sausage, not dick, Eren!”

My cheeks heated up immediately, and Erwin put an around around me comfortingly, though he couldn’t stifle a small chuckle.

“I never understood the appeal of sausage or dick,” Nanaba added, which only made Petra laugh harder,

“I’m with you on the sausage bit, but penises are great. So user-friendly! And Eren has such a cute little ass I just can’t stand it,” Erwin replied with rare humor laced in his tone, and informality I had yet to be acquainted with.

“I think we’re on the same page with asses,” Nanaba replied in her quiet voice, and somehow it seemed wrong for her to say something so crude, but it was also humorous. The two blonds went off on their debate, with Petra still laughing madly and me trying to take it all in. In the relatively short time I’d known them, everyone was getting more interesting by the minute, It really did give me joy to see their personalities unfold before my eyes, and I was happy to be a mere observer of their comfort with each other.

* * *

 

After a quite long brunch, the two couples went separate ways, and Erwin and I headed back over to his house to watch some nice noontime television. Home decorating shows with Erwin’s arm around me peacefully wasn’t a bad way to spend time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you sooooo much for reading! I will try my best to get the next chapter out soon, but I have no idea how my schedule will be, so no promises. Have a great day!


	5. Dirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dylan needs a place to stay, and Jean gives legal advice, among other things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may cause some angry feels. Also, if you're triggered by abuse (specifically from hateful authority figures) or rape, please do not read this chapter.

Several months passed. November held a nice Friendsgiving celebration among the group of friends I’d acquired at school, December held a white Christmas and Levi’s birthday celebration, during which I learned that Levi was eccentric, but not nearly as cold as he appeared. I also finally gave up on finding my own place and moved in with Erwin near the end of the month, though I insisted on paying for groceries because Erwin wouldn’t let me pay for utilities. January included a champagne-filled New Year’s celebration and Christa’s birthday. I visited Mikasa for her birthday in February, and Valentine’s Day was spent at home, cuddling, watching rom-coms, and ended with a very nice dinner and nicer love-making. I was among a smaller group of people who celebrated Ymir’s birthday at a karaoke bar, which was a blast.

March saw rainy days, but the days when the sun did show through were much appreciated. It was one of those days when, after school, I had a talk with Dylan and he told me he was quite nervous that day, and I told him to try to get his nerves out by exercising in the gym or something, since both wrestling and football seasons were over and he wasn’t going to be able to get it out that way. He left soon afterwards, and I headed home to meet Erwin, who was probably making his afternoon snack, because it was around three-thirty and that was his usual time for that.

My guess was correct, and I was greeted with a short peck after I hung my coat and took off my shoes. Erwin took the tea kettle off the stove, and we shared a deeper kiss that lasted a very long time, but it was interrupted by the shrill ringing of my cell phone. I answered the phone, noticing the look of slight disappointment on Erwin’s face as I did.

“Hello?”

“Mr. Jeager?” the raspy voice voice replied.

“Yes, Dylan? I’m here.”

“My dad threw me out.”

“Where are you?”

“Where I go to think.”

“Stay there, okay? We’ll be right there. Just hold on. We’ll be right there.”

“Okay.”

“We’ll be right there,” I couldn’t stop saying it. The sentence was more of a self-assurance than anything, and it pained me that it was all I could do. Dylan hung up after that and Erwin said he’d go get the car started while I rushed around the house, bumping into walls left and right, to grab a quilt my mother had made for me before her passing and a box of tissues.

I slid into the passenger’s seat of Erwin’s practical sedan and we drove quickly to this little creek beside one of the town’s elementary schools. Dylan had previously mentioned to me his habit of going under the bridge that crossed the creek to think because it was quiet and often secluded from prying eyes while being pretty easy to get to.

Erwin and I pulled up to the curb, and I ran to my woe-filled pupil, concerned yet relieved to see him. I immediately put the quilt around his shoulders and looked at him, feeling the urge to vomit at his cuts and bruises but holding back.

“Did he do all this?”

“Can we just get somewhere?”

“DID THAT SONUVABITCH DO THIS TO YOU, DYLAN?” I screamed, losing control of myself and letting tears roll onto my cheeks in my explosion of rage. I saw the boy flinch away from me, and a firm hand on my shoulder let me know that I had to reign myself in. It wasn’t the time or the place to lose it.

“Here, let me wash the blood and dirt off,” the blond said gently, approaching slowly. Dylan didn’t protest to it, though I noticed slight flinches and hisses as the medicine did its work disinfecting. After a while of that, we both helped him into the sedan because he had a limp from being literally thrown around. His clothes were covered in dirt on one side, presumably from that. Once we got home, Dylan said he was tired, so we showed him to the guest room and told him to help himself to food or water or anything and that he could take a shower if he wanted. He did, and then practically fell into bed and didn’t stir. Erwin and I stayed up talking for a while, but eventually he went off to bed too, and I stayed in the living room, pacing and thinking and pacing and thinking. After a time, I sighed a defeated sigh and picked up the phone, dialing a number I hadn’t dialed in quite a long time.

“Hello?” the voice was simultaneously familiar and foreign.

“I need a favor.”

“After all these years, you only call me up to ask a favor? You don’t even have the decency to say hello! I mean, you call me up at two in the morning and have the nerve to be unpleasant about it too! This is so like you, Jeager.” Long pause. “What’s the favor?”

“One of my students was kicked out of his house today.”

“Okay.”

“He needs legal help, but I can’t afford a lawyer for him and he sure as hell can’t afford one either.”

“Family disputes aren’t my specialty, Eren. You know that. I can direct you to-”

“Jean! If there were any alternatives, you know I wouldn’t have called.”

Long pause. “I’ll meet up with the kid, but only because I owe you.”

“Maybe we can go out for coffee and catch up.”

“Quit pushing your luck, Jeager.” Click.

I put the phone down and sighed, running a hand through my mop of hair. I hated asking for favors, but I didn’t have much of a choice.

* * *

 

The next day was Saturday. I asked if Dylan wanted to go to the hospital or to see the lawyer first, and he said he didn’t want to go to the hospital. Jean Kirstein didn’t usually work on Saturdays, but he made an exception. The whole situation was one big exception. We met in his office, which seemed haunted from the lack of people. I shook his pale hand and momentarily was taken back to another time, causing me to shudder. Jean didn’t seem to react, but Dylan seemed appropriately concerned about it. None of us talked about it. We all sat down and Jean asked Dylan to recount the events of the previous day. The teen didn’t want to, but Jean told him that, without all the details, he couldn’t help. I added that, despite his venomous lawyer voice, Jean really was a good guy.

“I was sorta nervous after school and I didn’t know why. I went home and decided to...um…”

“Spit it out, kid. I don’t have all day.”

“Well, I, um...I relieved some stress, and my dad walked in, and um, he started yelling, asking if I was a fucking faggot. He said he didn’t want a fucking faggot son, and asked if I really was his son or if I was some fairy girl and I tried to get away, but he picked up my laptop and threw it at me. I ducked, but that made him pretty mad, I guess. He, um, he… He threw my lamp and my pencils and I kept ducking and he asked what was wrong. He asked why I was dodging if I liked things inside of me so much. And then he ran out of stuff to throw at me and he held my shirt with one hand and kept hitting me and hitting me and h-hitting me…” Dylan had started shivering and crying, but he wiped away the tears and tried to force himself to stop stuttering. “And then he threw me down onto the lawn and kept kicking me and kicking me and telling me that he didn’t have a son, not a fucking faggot son. And then he told me to scram and not come back and I couldn’t get up so he went inside and got a bucket of ice water and dumped it on me and then he went inside and didn’t come out. I got up after a while and went under the bridge to think. After that, I got out my cell phone - it was in my pocket - and I called Mr. Jaeger, and I told him that I got kicked out, and then he and Mr. Smith took me to their house and I took a shower and fell asleep.”

“And who is Mr. Smith?”

“Mr. Jaeger’s boyfriend. They live together. I took his history class freshman year, so I kinda know him.”

“Okay.” Jean cocked a brow before settling back into his chair to think about the best courses of action. “Alright, so Eren and this...Mr. Smith may be prosecuted for inferring with your dad’s custodial rights, but I think it would be easiest if you get me in contact with the guy’s lawyer so we can work out emancipation outside of court.”

“Emancipation?”

“Yeah. Ever heard of the slaves? Emancipated, yeah?”

“Sure, but I’m not a slave.”

Disappointed sigh. “Kid, it’s the same idea. It means you’d no longer be his responsibility. You’d be a legal adult, except for stuff like smoking and drinking and shi- I mean stuff.”

“Oh.”

“So cough it up, kid. Who’s your dad’s lawyer?”

“I don’t know.”

Another sigh. “Then write down your dad’s name and number here on his paper.” The lawyer slid Dylan a notepad and a pen. After he was down scrawling down the information, Jean gave him his card. “Call if there are any developments.” He gave me a card too, for good measure. “Also, I’d look into staying at a shelter or something in case the emancipation falls through, yeah?”

“Okay.”

Long pause. “You can go now.”

* * *

 

We left, and I persuaded the teen to go to the hospital, and the doctor took a really long time examining him and then told him that he was lucky to not have any broken ribs, but that he would probably want to take some painkillers if he felt really pained and that he should watch his healing to make sure that it was normal and that if it wasn’t to come back. We left after that, and the three of us had dinner at home. We decided to put Dylan up at a hotel for the night, and so around eight we drove him there and gave him fifty bucks for anything he needed and told him not to open the door for anyone and to call if he wanted to, and that we’d pick him up at eight the next morning. He seemed content with the arrangement, and so Erwin and I drove back home and watched some HGTV until ten.

* * *

 

The next morning, we picked Dylan up and ate breakfast, and then he left to hang out with friends for the day. Erwin said he’d be spending the day making lesson plans and things, so I called up Jean and we decided to meet up at this cafe that was pretty close to his office, as it happened. I told Erwin that I was meeting a friend from college and he said that was fine, so I left.

At the cafe, we talked for a while over coffee and it was just like the old days. I felt refreshed and content, happy I’d made plans with him. After maybe an hour of chatting, he asked me if I wanted to go to his house to see some new paintings he’d recently bought, and I (stupidly) said that I’d love to. We walked a few blocks to his apartment and upon entering I was confronted with a rather intense smell of something lemon-y and sort of sweet and sort of skunky. The apartment was pretty neat and modern, but that smell hung thick in the air and, though it wasn’t entirely unpleasant, it wasn’t entirely pleasant either. I looked around, taken by all the paintings on the walls and sculptures on the floor. I heard the click of a lighter and turned to see Jean lighting up a joint.

“What are you doing?”

“Lighting up. What’s it look like?”

“I can see that. But why?”

“‘s ‘cause I got cancer, babe. Gotta eat, yeah?”

“You’re such a fucking asshole. You can’t make fun of cancer.”

“Who says? The thought police ain’t here,” he mumbled around the blunt. He closed the space between us, and our faces were very close. I tried to slip away, but his arms were around me and it felt just like the years melted away. We were back in college, before it all went to shit. He took the joint in his fingers and kissed me, and his breath tasted like weed and everything disappeared. I forgot about my boyfriend, I forgot about my little stowaway, I forgot what had driven Jean and I apart in the first place. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks and I pulled away from the grinning young man with two-toned hair.

“Jean, no.”

“Why not?”

“I have a boyfriend.”

“Oh, yeah. How long you been dating lover boy?”

“About seven months. And his name’s Erwin.”

“Erwin Smith. German, huh? Not really known for being good in bed, yeah?”

“There’s more to a relationship than that!”

“That’s code for ‘the sex is bad’.”

“This really isn’t a conversation I want to be having right now.”

“There are ways to...spice it up…” His voice was so deep and rumbling, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I practically jumped into his arms. Though my thoughtful self was protesting, my body was in control so it was too late. Our bodies already knew each other. It was like a well-practiced dance or riding a bike. You just never forget. Yet we were also different. Life had pulled us apart, and so it was new and exciting still.

When all was said and done, we laid together in his bed sharing a blunt. Jean was practically asleep so I was there alone with my thoughts and hating myself. How could I be so weak? How could I fall right back into such a rusty routine? I waited until Jean was really asleep and then got up, put out the blunt, and got dressed. I hurried home and hopped into the shower immediately, feeling extremely dirty. Yet no matter how hard I scrubbed, I couldn’t feel clean again. I finally understood what it must have felt like for Jean all those years ago.

We were sort of boyfriends and sort of fuckbuddies in college, sort of in the middle of it. It was pretty awesome. Since it was pretty relaxed, it was also an open relationship, so each time we were together, it was exciting. The only rule was that we weren’t allowed to kiss other guys, or sleep with the same guy twice except for each other, obviously. That kept things clear and also fresh between us.

Anyway, one night, I was on my way home and I heard this pained moaning from an alley, so I went to go check it out. Lo and behold, there was Jean, all bruised and not fully dressed. I pulled up his pants and carried him home and that’s why it had to end between us. He told me he couldn’t do it again, he couldn’t have sex. He just felt so goddamn dirty, he said. And I understood, and I let him recover and I was his friend. Then we graduated and went our separate ways and I saw him less and less often until we stopped talking.

I finally understood that dirty feeling he felt. It wasn’t the same thing, but it probably felt as shitty, I figured. I was in the shower for a long time, scrubbing my skin raw, but it didn’t work so eventually I got out and brushed my teeth for a long time, and then I used mouthwash. Still, I felt so dirty and shameful. I came out of the bathroom, put on my pajamas and opened a bottle of wine. I didn’t feel decent enough to even get a glass, so I drank the whole thing out of the bottle. I was pretty drunk, so I stumbled to bed and fell right asleep.

* * *

 

I woke up the next morning with Erwin’s arm around me, and I cried silently. He didn’t wake up. We still had a while before we had to be up for school, but I got up anyway and took another long shower. By the time I was done, I had to get ready, so I went to our room, picked out some jeans and a sweater, and head out without eating or waking anyone. I took my buddy to work, and got there before most other faculty. I spent my hours before class wandering around, noticing the art, and crying in the one-person faculty bathroom. I didn’t go down to the school cafe because I couldn’t Erwin, and I avoided all the teachers I knew as well. I just couldn’t look them in the eye.

I didn’t look Dylan in the eye either during his class and I cried during the entirety of the next period. Right after school, my phone rang and I (stupidly) didn’t check who it was before answering.

“Hello?”

“Hey, babe.” It was Jean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I'm sorry. This is a shitty place to end it but it didn't flow otherwise.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!  
> Please let me know what you thought of this and leave suggestions about what to happen next because I'd love to hear from you! I hope to have a new chapter up pretty regularly, but I'm about to get slammed with more and more exams as the month goes on, so I may take some time. Thanks so, so much for reading and I hope you have a great day! <3


End file.
